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I hate myself and almost committed suicide. Why should I not if no one accepts me?

Updated: Mar 25

Welcome to Walid Rafo Advice!





I am a Spiritual Counsellor and I have opened up this site to help those in need. Specifically, those who are encountering certain obstacles in life. It is a great blessing to be in this position. A position where I can help others just as Christ has helped others. Most things I have had experience with, and others I have learned from. Either way, I do not answer questions I am not knowledgable of. I will take my time to respond if I must. Either way, I will make sure that your question is answered as soon as possible, and to get you the assistance you need through my writing.


This is a very sensitive topic. I will answer it to the best of my wisdom. You say that no one accepts you, but you are wrong. The Lord accepts you, and welcomes you into his heart. I lived many years alone without family, friends, no one I can depend on to support me. I had no one just like you. Until I realized I have no money but still I am making a living. I am still clothed, and I am still under a roof. The Lord was watching over me, and I know this.


There is an old Arabic saying for those in your situation. You say you hate yourself and wish to end your life. "Jump into the sea and watch yourself struggle to get above the water and survive. Because you do not want to kill yourself, but something inside of you." This is one of my favourite sayings that I believe relates to your case. We are all created in the image of God out of his love. When there is no one there for us, he is there, and ALWAYS will be.


The Lord will send you someone in your life to rescue you from harm and all trouble. To rescue you from the position you are at. And even if no one is at hand, the Lord is more than enough. His presence is all you need, and all we need. Remember always that our Lord is there for you, and he sends his angels to be by your side through his Spirit. In this earth, we live in great darkness and we are often attacked by the evil one. But we can always change the darkness in our life into the light of the Lord.


An example I often like to give about this is the night time. During the night time, the sky is filled with darkness, and as you roam around the world you see darkness. The only thing giving light is the moon. The stars. And as you walk down the street of your neighbourhood you see street lamps that give light to where you want to walk. In the same way, the greatest light comes from Jesus (The moon), and the people you surround yourself with (good people) will be a lamp. Anyone who does good is a lamp for the world through the Lord. You too, then, become a lamp of the Lord and be filled with his light and shining glory. So that anyone who sees you will say, "This is truly a child of the Most High, God."


When you are thinking to commit to any way against your life, leave your empty space and go kneel in front of the crucifixion. Remember he suffered throughout his whole life up until death. He did not commit suicide, but accepted his suffering ever since he was born into the world. Let him give you his strength. Simply ask and believe. They gave him up to be scourged, mocked, and crucified. He accepted all suffering for a greater good, defeating sin. You too, then, live for a good purpose and fulfill the will of the Lord in your life.


Whenever we suffer there will be great joy later on. You must believe this. The Lord suffered his whole life, was crucified, and died. What happened three days later? He rose from the dead and revealed his glory to the world.


When you want to commit suicide, remember that this is not what you truly desire. This is the evil one working in your mind to do these things because he knows the wonderful plans that the Lord has for your future. He does not want you to see that day, so he tries to cut it short. Instead, cut his time short and live to see the time that the Lord has prepared for you. The devil always tries to hunt for the innocent children of the Lord so that he can collect them. Remain strong and steadfast in the Lord.


Suicide is a big sin against the Lord. Our soul is in the hands of the Lord, not our own. He is the only one that can take your life. No other has permission to do so. I advise you to always refrain from negative thinking. Fill your day with positivity in joy with those around you. If you have no one, fill your time with the Lord. For he always has time for you.


Collect a Bible and some prayer books. Read them and pray them often. It will change you drastically. You will lean more forward onto a good path. Unto the path of the Lord. You will be filled with his presence.


Be around spiritual, respectful, loving, and humble people. Be around the people that seek a greater good for you, not the ones that seek to destroy you. Whenever you see evil somewhere. Do not let it tempt you. Dust your feet from that area, and walk away. Your weapon anywhere you go, at home, in the car, at work, or anywhere! Is prayer. It will destroy all evil presented in front of your way.


This is the dream:


I saw my father standing on empty land, on a summer day. There were no buildings, but there were trees. There were no people, only grass. Then, I saw Solomon standing in front of my father. Solomon said to him, "You ask so many questions, and you have wisdom? You can find the answer yourself because the Lord is with you, but still you ask and don't listen. Do you call this wisdom? At times when I hear you ask, and you know that the wisdom of the Lord is with you, this is what I ask to you...Wisdom, wisdom, are you there? Are you asleep or are you awake? Wisdom, wisdom, are you there? Are you dead or are you alive? Wisdom, wisdom, are you there? Are you here or are you there? Wisdom, wisdom, are you there?"

Then, my father bowed his head in sadness, and asked Solomon to provide him wisdom. Solomon answered, "You have already received it, but you must believe. If you do not believe how can you receive?" Then, the dream ended.


There are some dreams I had that were very long, some dreams were medium in length, and some dreams were very short. However, every dream has a lesson to be learned.


When we ask too many questions, let us ask ourselves, "Wisdom, wisdom, are you there?"


My father took a spiritual counselling program online this year and passed with flying colors. After I told my father about the dream Solomon gave to me about his wisdom being in my father, my father gave me the look of "I need proof to believe this." He said he believed it, but I know when he believes and when he REALLY believes. So, I trusted in the Lord that it would be proven to him.


On the same day, my father received his exam marks from the professor of the university. In the professors comments, he stated, "Good evening Mr Walid Rafo, I hope this email finds you well. It is always a great pleasure to work with you and to assess your exams. I must say that I can see Solomon's wisdom working in you. Solomon is known as a wise man, and I can see that in you..."


After I showed my father the letter that his professor wrote for him, he REALLY believed in the dream.


See, sometimes God proves and authenticates his message and sometimes he doesn't. Because he wanted to help my father fully believe in this message, he authenticated the dream through the professor at the university.


Eventually, my father achieved his degree in Spiritual Counselling and has been helping many people free of charge. He understands that people can't afford services for counselling, so he does it for the glory of God.


Anytime my father questioned his wisdom, I would receive a dream for him that day. It would be Solomon standing in front of my father asking, "Wisdom, wisdom, are you there?"


I remember the exact was Solomon brought this to my father. He made it sound like some sort of poem. I will list it below exactly as he said it:


"Wisdom, wisdom, are you there?

Are you asleep or are you awake?

Wisdom, wisdom, are you there?


Wisdom, wisdom, are you there?

Are you dead or are you alive?

Wisdom, wisdom, are you there?


Wisdom, wisdom, are you there?

Are you here or are you there?

Wisdom, wisdom, are you there?


Wisdom, wisdom, are you there?

Are you North or are you South? Are you East or are you West?

Wisdom, wisdom, are you there?


Wisdom, wisdom, I have found you now.

Wisdom, wisdom, you are here."


That was the exact way Solomon first mentioned it. And anytime my father questioned his wisdom in life, Solomon would appear and state the same thing each time.


My home is very small, and we don't have enough rooms for everyone in the house. My youngest sister and my parents sleep in one room, my other sister sleeps in her own room, and I sleep in our chapel in the home. This dream took place in our chapel, where I sleep every night.


This was the dream:


I saw myself sleeping in my bed, when all of a sudden I could see a strong white light beaming through my eyes. It's normally dark when you close your eyes, but a strong white light beamed through mine. In the dream, I opened my eyes because of this unusual light. Then, I saw Jesus sitting down on the chair which is placed very close to my bed (since it is a small room). He was facing the 7 foot crucifixion in my room. When he noticed I opened my eyes, he turned his head towards me. He said, "How easy it is to have faith in me when you have everything that you want. But how difficult it is for people to have faith in me when they have nothing." This was the end of the dream.


When I woke up, I thought about these words...it's true. When I had everything I wanted, it was so easy to say that I have faith. But when I had nothing, it was so difficult. However, that's what faith is. Faith isn't something easily said yes to out of the blue. You have to mean it with everything that you are. Want to know what kind of faith you have? The Lord doesn't decide your faith when you have everything you want. He decides your faith when you don't have anything. Like Jesus said, faith is so easy to have when you have everything you want, but not when you have nothing.


This is one of the main reasons why I've always looked up to my father. I watched him increase and decrease in the world. I watched him rise and fall in the world. But always, he was rising in spiritual terms.


Lots of people give up with their spirituality when they don't receive what they're praying for. Well, my father most likely went through more pain, suffering, and struggles than you, yet, he has a stronger faith now than before. Why is that? Because he doesn't base his faith on whether or not God say's yes to everything he prays for.


Sometimes, the mother of the home suffers because there's something she has to do. Sometimes the father, because there's something he needs to do. Sometimes certain individuals, because there's something they need to do. Other times, God is simply testing your faith. Now, why does God test? To bring out the best of us. Never let go of your faith. Always trust in God. Never let go from him. It could be the second that you let go that he will begin what you want.


Some people lose their faith because of all the suffering that they have to endure. It's important to remember that all of us suffer, but no one has suffered like God. Just think about it. God suffers from our sins everyday. Has he destroyed us yet? No. He's had mercy on us always. It's important for us to have mercy on others the same way God has had mercy with us. Many of us don't want things to be that way, but it's the way we have to go about it.


The most important reason for fear is because of your commitment to sin. You are so distant from the Lord. This increases the fear of the world in you. When you begin to build your trust in the Lord and give your heart to him, you will never fear anything in this earth. You will never fear anything or anyone. Because the Lord is your rock and the only one that can rescue and deliver you.


The fear comes from the evil one. He puts into your mind certain things. For example, worrying about life and what will happen. What will happen to your surviving? What will happen to your future? What will happen to your marriage? What about your kids? E.t.c. The devil implements fear because of the sin you are doing in your life.


The only fear you must learn to have is the fear of the Lord. As Solomon says, fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. When you fear the Lord Almighty, it means you love him and you respect and obey who he is and the rules he has set out for all people in the world to follow. When you have the Lord in your heart and mind, you will never even think about fear of the world. For the Lord overcomes all fear because of your purity and love for all people.


You do not fear because you know that the Lord is your strength and refuge. He is your protector. He helps us to resist the evil one and any obstacle in life that he presents to our way. Why? Because you are a child of the Lord whom he loves so very much. Keep in your mind at all times that the children of the Lord fear no one in this dark and cold world, because his right holy hand remains on top of you and over your roof.


The Lord knows everything that you need. When you pray and go to church and surround yourself with the life of the Lord, you will never look behind your back to see who is there. You no longer care who is in front or behind you, and what they want to do. You walk everywhere with the confidence of the Lord because you know that your life is dedicated to him. For wherever there is harm the Lord will protect you. So, when you walk do not look at everyone or who is walking behind you. The children of the most high are protected by his angels. It is the Lord who is the most high in heaven and on the earth. The one who created and knows all people. He is the King of the kings. He is our everything to us. The one and only dearly beloved son, Jesus Christ.


I have never feared all of my life because I know that the Lord has always been by my side. People have weapons that harm, my weapon is prayer which is my protection. The Lord rescues me more than anything.


The story has made me have a deeply consideration in “The Suicide of Admiral Nimitz,” on his believe to commit suicide. The ways I can fully explain this case is by placing myself in Nimitz’s perspective about suicide and the judgments individuals decide on when killing oneself. On the other hand, I strongly oppose to any suicidal situation because it is immoral to murder any human’s life.


Insult is a verbal violence which aims to humiliate and belittle others. People became isolated, can get sick and sometimes may commit suicide when they are victims of hate speech because it can change their behavior. According to a research conducted by some professors in the Syracuse University, correlation between hate speech and suicide rates remains constant.

In those years I’ve had receive much training over suicidal prevention. I have heard of many sailors and other military personal committing suicide because they are unable to live up to the standards of the military. When a person is in a suicidal state, they are not acting in their own best interest; they are turned against themselves.


Suicide takes the lives of nearly 30,000 Americans every year. People commit suicide every day in the world. It is an ugly but truthful thing in the world. Some people’s situations put them in a more likely position to commit suicide. Some of the main contributors to suicide are troubles with in a family, friends, careers, and social life.


Although one’s personal life is a big contribution to most suicides. Illness and disease are another major cause for suicide. Many people commit suicide to free their pain caused by a long term illness. Long term illness is something most people can’t and don’t want to ever deal with. This is enough is a reason for people to commit suicide.


Suicide is currently the third leading cause of death in the United States between the ages of 15 and 24 (Holmes 1). It is also one of the most preventable forms of death because the person will show warning signs. This is a common myth; that people do not show any warning signs. That in fact is wrong, someone who is thinking about committing suicide almost always shows warning signs it is whether or not you pay attention and take action towards them.


This means that these men are committing these hate crimes knowing exactly what they are doing. These studies ultimately prove that the victim is not at fault for the attack. These crimes are being committed out of sheer hate, hence the name “Hate crimes”. Examples of Hate Crimes against Homosexuals Matthew Shepard In 1998 the sad and horrifying murder of Matthew Shepard woke people up to just how serious hate crimes are getting.


A big reason people commit suicide is because of family problems. A person’s family has a huge impact on an individual’s life. Children that experience family problems such as their parents getting divorced are more likely to commit suicide. Children that get abused or neglected are also a lot more likely to take their own life.


Some people committed suicide after be victimized by the society due to sexual orientation, race or religion, for example (“Correlation”). When a person practices hate speech, it can influence other people to do the same thing, like a “snowball” effect, increasing the withdrawal of discriminated people from society and friends. Everybody has the right to raise children according to their family’s beliefs.


Others might eat more, watch television for hours on end in bed, and not want to leave their house, apartment. A person who is depressed may stop caring about their physical appearance on a regular basis, or whether they shower or brush their teeth. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, at least 90 percent of all people who commit suicide suffer from one or more mental disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or alcoholism.There are many ways a suicidal person gives away they he or she might commit or have thoughts to commit suicide.


Being little I thought she was messing around but when we got a little bit older she almost did it again but I was able to persuade her to not. Since that girls are more likely attempt to suicide that made my sister part of the statistic. Another reason this is interesting because if kids suicide every 40 seconds it add ups.


Out of all causes of suicides, mental illness had proven to be the leading basis; in fact only about 10% of people who have committed suicide were not suffering from a mental illness of some sort. With the majority of people that have committed suicide suffering from a mental disorder or substance abuse, they often times “have difficulty coping with such crippling stressors. They are unable to recognize that suicide is a permant solution to a temporary problem according to the National Institute of Mental Health” (NAMI 3).


Married individuals, especially those with children, had stronger social bonds than single people. After identifying the general cause of high suicide rates, Durkheim classified suicide into three types: 1) egoistic suicide, 2) altruistic suicide, and 3) anomic suicide. Individuals with few or weak ties to a community are likely to commit egoistic suicide, or suicide related to social isolation and individualism.


The opposite of egoistic suicide is called altruistic suicide. Here individuals whose ties to their particular groups are so strong that their commit suicide for the good of the group. Durkheim also saw that suicide rates increased when there were sharp economic upturns, and decrease when there was economic stability.


Hate groups, suicidal organizations, and child pornographers have used the internet to further their agenda and reach more potential victims. I found myself in an embarrassing situation once when I accessed pornography on the internet by accident. The thing with the internet’s ease of providing information is that it makes people think less.


Durkheim found the opposite: some groups shared high rates of mental illness but little suicide; other groups shared high rates of both. Durkheim found that women were more likely to be diagnosed a mentally ill, but had less chances of committing suicide. Other contradictory information surfaced: Durkheim discovered that most people committed suicide during warmer periods of the year, not, as might be expected, during the cold days of winter.


In Japan the Aokigahara Forest, also known as the “suicide forest” on Mount Fuji, is a place where individuals commit suicide, usually by hanging, after isolating themselves completely by hiding in the wilderness of the forest. Those who still doubt about ending their lives walk in the forest while leaving a trail of coloured tape so that they do not get lost, and others camp for a few days in the wilderness before making their final decision (Suicide Forest, 2012). The suicides in the “suicide forest” increased in number as it was gradually publicized, starting with a novel by Kuroi Jukai, where a young lover commits suicide in a forest (Suicide Forest, 2012).


The purpose of this research then is to identify the causes of suicide and suicidal attempts among the adolescents by describing suicidal behaviors and the underlying causes behind such behaviors which are commonly due to stressors and sociological factors. Religious affiliations and commitment also serve as determinants on the possibility of committing suicide. Religious and moral beliefs commonly shape the behavior of a person, thus less commitment or more commitment and affiliation to religion may also be a cause of suicidal behavior.


Sexual orientation, which can also fall into the cat orgy of mental illness, also plays a major role in suicides among teens and young adults. According to the Centre for Suicide Prevention, gay, lesbian and bisexual teens have a higher chance of committing suicide than other teens. “According to a study completed in 2001, 48% of gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth have said that their contemplation of suicide was related to, or was a result of their sexual preference” (Suicide among Gay… 1).


However bullying is of course not the only factor that leads many teens to suicide. Drug and/or alcohol abuse is also a contributing factor that may lead a teen to suicide. It could be that they have an addiction to drugs or alcohol and has led them to commit suicide or that they had tried using these substances to cope with their feelings and they ended up having an overdose or poising.


All mental illness can be anything from depression to bipolar disorder. Although depression is the leading cause of suicide it does not mean that everyone who commits suicide was depressed. Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder are other common mental illnesses that have been proven to be causes of suicide according the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI 1).


In analyzing his information, Durkheim looked for specific social conditions under which suicide occurred the most and least often. Here were some of his findings: 1) Protestants committed suicide three times more than Catholics and Catholics more than Jews; 2) Single people committed suicide more often than married people, and married people with children least often of all; 3) And, suicide rates are higher when people feel few or weak ties to a social group or community. The Jewish community was more tightly knit than the Catholic, the Catholic more tightly knit than the Protestant.


For instance, in the case of gender and ethnicity, boys are five times likely to commit suicide compared to their female counterparts. As for age, teenagers above 20 years are more likely to commit suicide compared to those aged 12 and below. Geographically, most cases of teenage suicide and usually experienced in the western states such as Alaska (Theodora & Teodor, 2008).

I show states with highest conviction rate in 2012. I also show the upward incline in numbers since 2005 until now. I offer explanations as to who commits these crimes and why. Lastly I show the progression of time and how prejudice and hate crimes although upward in numbers are really being accepted in our communities.


Voluntary euthanasia is legal in several countries, but I think of the odds if we were to universalize this controversy. People would excuse themselves by the use of euthanasia for any purpose to execute their life; as well as, lacking initiative to live after all. Furthermore, mercy killing would encourage the human being to attempt it and assure the person that is acceptable to commit suicide with rational reason by all means.


Also, the dark cloud of my misrepresentation will finally be lifted. I believe I will finally be proud of myself and gain the honor and integrity I desire. My personal goal is to obtain a Bachelors degree in Business Management. As I pursue my goal at U of P, I must dedicate myself. To achieve this goal, there must be commitment, discipline, desire and expectations.


In one of Hamlet’s soliloquies, we learn that one of the few things preventing Hamlet from ending his miserable life is the commandment of God. “Or that the Everlasting had not fix’d His canon ‘gainst self-slaughter!” If it were not against the will of God, Hamlet would have considered suicide even more and maybe even committed the treacherous act. Christianity condemns suicide (Act I, scene ii).

“I’m thinking of committing suicide or I wish I could just die.” (http://www.teensuicide.us/articles2.html) Sometimes they whisper it or say I just kidding. But in the end it’s never a joke. It’s important because if a parent doesn’t respond the way a teenager expects them to respond then they feel hopeless.


The statistic shows us that suicide is a momentous social issue that the number people who committed suicide every year more likely higher than the number of people who dead in battle field. Commit suicide The reason why I have the negative view of suicide, it was a sore challenge to some one physically and mentally, and would also remain adverse impact to all the people who are related to him. Commit suicide is very disrespectful behavior to their family, friend, society.

Breaking up in a relationship can also be breaking up a friendship. In some cases people commit suicide just to make the other person feel bad. They feel that all the sadness and pain the other person has caused upon them, they can give it back to the person by killing themselves and making the other person feel guilty.David A. Gershaw, Ph.D. notes that “College students are twice as likely to kill themselves as are non-students of the same age.” Struggling in school is a big reason that people commit suicide.


The ways that suggested by the respondents are to share their problems with friends or family, and refer to psychiatrist or counselor. Most of the participants do not think that euthanasia is considered as commit suicide. They also agreed that people who commit suicide have low Emotional Quotient (EQ) and agreed that most of the suicidal who want to commit suicide are because of feeling helpless or hopeless.


Thank you for submitting your questions. If you are reading and have any questions about your own spiritual life and journey, please do not hesitate to email me. My contact information is on the contact page, along with a submission form for easier access.


May God bless us always.


Walid F Rafo.






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